Thoughts on the Day 1/26/18


It's Friday, it's been a week filled with valiantly fighting a cold, trying to stay on top of work, a couple of canceled yoga classes, a lot of nose blowing and a visit for my latest check in with my functional medical specialist.  I'm tired but hanging in..

I love my functional medical specialist.  Not only is she a nurse practitioner so she understands all of the nasty ass chemicals that I have been subjected to in the last 3.5 years, but she's certified in functional medicine and ayuervedic medicine as well.  In case you are wondering what functional medicine is, it is all about root cause resolution.  Not just covering up symptoms with drugs.  It is a long slow process and requires dedication not only on the care providers part but you as a patient as well.  She trusts my knowledge of my body and all I have been through to be able to treat myself, understand what might need tweaking and that I know my body better than anyone else does.  It's been a long damn time that any of my medical providers actually said that to me, even longer to actually mean it.  I liked her from the first time we sat down to talk about my long medical mystery tour in her office.

Yesterday we spoke about the power dynamic in a care provider/patient dynamic and how that can create a situation where there isn't always trust that the patient understands and accepts responsibility for their care, let alone speak with honesty about what is really going on.  I mentioned that the power dynamic becomes even more skewed when the care provider is a male.  Don't get me wrong I am not a man hater, but after everything I have been through I have a very healthy distrust of conventional medicine and the mostly male providers I have dealt with in the past.  Some even tried to tell me that I didn't know my own body, or made me feel I was wasting their time.  A couple I would say were skirting the malpractice realm.  It is nice to have someone to go on the path with that trusts my instincts, my thoughts and feelings and the hard won wisdom I have acquired.  She has restored my faith and solidified my belief that a mix of conventional and traditional naturapathic care is the way to go.  While I am still on a pharmaceutical at the moment, it actually works and has zero side effects that I have noticed in the year I have been on it.  

While the goal is to eventually get to a place where I no longer need the med and work with supplements and whole, fresh foods that support my body, I feel that I am finally in a place where I can do more of the things to solve the root cause instead of being in crisis prevention mode.  I speak honestly with her about where I am at, how I really feel, tell her when she suggests something that my intuition tells me is a no go and she understands and offers me her support.  There is still some power dynamic going on, but today she told me to basically use her for the prescriptions and to take the reigns and go with what feels right and ask for help when I need it.  I feel that even though I am miserable with this cold that I have been given back my power and respect for my personal wisdom...  That feels pretty damn great.  There is a lot that goes on in my daily life and though I still struggle some with getting all of my self-care in that I would like to, I feel like I am moving solidly in the right direction and I have the power to make the decisions that best suit me in the moment.