Thoughts on the Day 2/6/18

Lily Bean in the field.jpg
"If you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story"
~Orson Welles~

I have been thinking a lot about stories, stories about people, their lives, the journey, the happy and the sad, the excitement and depths.  I've been thinking about my own story and the many things showing up from the deep recesses of my memories.  I believe that big ass full moon/eclipse last week stirred up some shit for several days before and it is still doing some swirling.  I'm all for a good swirl now and then and man has it taken some hard work on my part to keep it all in perspective and to process it as much as I can and move through.  Adjust those sails baby.

I have been thinking about my story and how it has in some aspects defined me, probably more than I want to admit.  I find it a conundrum when I think about how my story is what brought me to this party so to speak, but honestly I don't want to go home with the defining me part of it.  Why you might be wondering, well if I do that than it limits me and I hate to be limited.  So I have a mantra, You are your only limit!  Personal freedom is big for me, HUGE in fact, so I have to have conversations with myself about not limiting myself, about the lack of belief and trust in myself.  I don't want to limit my perception of the present moment, my potential and most importantly my sense of self. 

I have been spending some time in the last few months learning about ways to stay more present in the moment, to live with more intention and to move beyond the survival mode that has been a theme in various parts of my life (especially the last 3.5 years) to a space of thriving.  Don't get me wrong, without my story of my past, I wouldn't have endured the circumstances responsible for creating who I have become.  At the same time I have become acutely aware that by letting my past story define me, by holding on to what did and didn't happen in my life, I am not allowing myself to fully experience life for what it is in this very moment.  I have been working for some time to release expectations, it's sounds easier than it is.  I am in the middle of learning to use my story as a way to learn from my experiences and rewrite the script.  I am learning to be more open, be more vulnerable than ever before and stay open to possibility and the potential for something magical and wonderful to happen.

I was having a conversation with a dear friend that I have known since high school, that is a long ass time ago, believe me.  We both have experienced a lot of change in our lives, had to learn some hard lessons, collected some hard won wisdom and experience.  Change is ever present and I had to learn the very hard way several years ago that resisting only made it worse.  No matter how permanent something might feel, no matter what sense of security you believe you have built for yourself, things can and do change.  I had to learn to ride those waves and fell off my surf board a lot of times along the way.  As with anything I have learned it is all a practice, you can draw from what you know, but the biggest thing is to stay open and receptive to what is coming through.  Shutting down will only limit you, hold you back and create a bigger source of angst, anxiety and pain.  

While I hope that by sharing my stories it may help others on their own journey for creating a story filled with the NOW of their lives and less with the definition of the past, I also don't want to be trapped by them.  I learned some shit, I will share it in the hopes it helps someone, anyone find their own way.   Life is filled with stories, story telling is huge throughout time immortal.  Passed on for generations, filtered through the lens of whoever is telling them.  While they may be engrossing, illuminating and interesting, we also have to remember that there is always two sides to any story and in many cases multiple sides to any story.  Perception, it's all about perception.  So keep that in mind if you are doing some ruminating on your own personal story, about what defines you, are you living fully present in the moment, stepping forward into your light, bringing all of your brilliance out for others to see.  Are you allowing yourself to stretch and grow beyond what was into what is?

Power to the NOW!