Let's have a little chat about the word AMBITION...
I'm not sure if the women out there reading this have ever had someone tell them they were too ambitious, or if they were thwarted over the years by someone who was threatened by their ambition, or let's just talk about over ambitious women who plowed right over another woman on her way to the top. Yeah I just went there...
I like many women of my generation were not encouraged when it came to math and science classes and I naturally was drawn to more creative topics like writing and art. I didn't love math, in fact I sucked at math and failed college algebra twice. That could have been because I didn't go to class regularly but I really didn't love math, I still don't. I made some choices in my life, I had a baby young, went through a hard divorce and went back to college as a single mother with a baby. I made choices over the years that would keep me close to home and gave me time with my girl. I did on occasion work in big corporate, this was never really my gig either.
During one stretch in big corporate I had one of the best managers I have ever had in my long working career. She was incredibly intelligent, had been working in her industry for years and knew her shit. There was another woman, not quite so talented and I could never put my finger on it, but I didn't trust her from the first time I met her. In her drive to make herself more successful with the higher ups, she did some shitty things to my manager and took some credit where it wasn't hers to own. You see, I don't do bullshit well. I don't care how much money you make, or what your title is, or who you think you are, if you bring the bullshit, I will not ever put up with it. If that means I don't work for you anymore, well then that is probably a good thing. Most people in certain corporate environments love to flaunt their titles and pretend they know what the hell they are doing. I have found many of them lacking in even the most modicum of management skills. Needless to say I didn't last long in big corporate either time I tried it. It is just too much bullshit for me, too many people who want to walk all over others in their march to the top and piss poor management. Keep in mind this was just my experience.
I worked for a brief period of time for a start up online sales business. They grew out of something small into something very big in a very short time period. I had experience in a certain aspect that they were looking for, but in a totally different environment. I took a chance on a young company, with young management and a lot of young people working there. I was 50 at the time and thinking moving back into a bigger arena might give me some challenge and up my earnings potential. It was a nightmare to say the least and after just 9 months, I ran laughing out of that door. The stress and strain and ridiculous expectations around working 50-70 hours per week, being required to take my laptop home every night, and the shitty management practices were more than I could stand. I was harassed by a fellow employee and my manager, treated like shit and when I went to HR to lodge a complaint. At first I got some push back and then later was told that I was dealing with a serious harassment issue. No shit, ya think... This HR manager left shortly after this I might add and it was the third HR manager in as many years at that point in time.
I told my manager what I was doing and told her why. I told her that I was done trying to work with her or the employee who repeatedly harassed me and I learned she had done the same to others and was still there because she was a top earner. My manager tried to dissuade me until I told her that her friendship with this other employee meant that she couldn't be objective and she knew about it and let it continue, that she had treated me shitty when I asked for her help and really needed to learn how to manage better than she presently was doing. Needless to say, I ended up leaving, I just couldn't take the stress and the bullshit anymore and I saw so many other people going through the same thing and staying. Why did they stay? I think some of them were afraid of looking for another job, and felt this was their only option. All I know is that there was a training right before I left about harassment. I like to think I had a little something to do with that, not that anything really changed.
Am I ambitious, yes to a point. I was never after the accolades of position or title, I just wanted to have a decent job so that I could support my daughter and myself. The rest of it, really didn't matter to me. I certainly would never step all over anyone else to get somewhere. I follow passion more than ambition. The more I love something, the stronger I feel about it, the more I want to do it. It's part of why I started teaching yoga and why I continue to learn and grow as an instructor. I am passionate about helping others live a better life in their bodies, especially as we age. I am passionate about helping others heal and find movement they never thought they could achieve. While I enjoy having cash flow, that isn't what fuels my passion. Have I stumbled along over the years due to lack of money, yes I have. Have I lost everything and had to start all over, yes, more than once. I have learned that in order to succeed for myself I have to feel passionate about, be fueled by learning something that stimulates my creativity. I can do jobs I don't love and make the paycheck and do the work because I have to, but finding that sweet spot where I can blend my passion, creativity and skills into something that not only pays the bills but gives me some fuel for my passion fire, now that takes the cake. Every.. Single... Time...
To me passion is ambition, but coming from a place of creativity, a fire burning in your belly, sharing with others, creating change for the better. Maybe I am missing something but I think that some of the best inventions and leaps forward came out of passionate, creative thinking and a whole boat load of failure before it happened.
Go, DO, BE, follow your heart of hearts, fall down, make mistakes, learn some shit and find what speaks to you on a deeper level for more meaning. I mean we spend a lot of time at a job, why not try to find what actually makes you feel like you are doing something that not only feeds you both literally and figuratively, but also helps others, creates community and just maybe changes the world a little tiny bit. What that is, well that is uniquely personal to every single person. Doing some serious thinking about what you are doing, how you are feeling and whether you want to continue or try the reinvention that may just totally change your life. It's never too late to find what really moves you, never...
XO
Titanium