Well it's been a minute since I last posted. After all of that verbal throw up to get the story out about my medical mystery tour I wanted to move on and bring some happy. While I am happy and daily working on my wellness, I still have stumbles, struggles and there are days where I still have to work at it. I still have to remember that after three years of wading through all of this I am only eight months into the healing process. The happy right now is that I am still the most stable I have been in three years!!!
Last week while teaching my noontime yoga tribe I took the opportunity while in pigeon pose with the class to repeat to myself, 'I release that which no longer serves me.' , while taking full deep breaths. It was cathartic and I felt space expanding around me. I'm still dealing with the pain of leaching the prednisone out of my bones, joints, muscles and liver. It's a long slow process. I have to remind myself of that when I start bashing myself for not getting work done on my website, my blog posts and my podcast creation. Sometimes I come home after teaching and working a full day and I literally drop on the couch and a little TV while nodding off. More times than I care to admit and then I feel lazy. After mentally bashing myself for a bit I snap out of it enough to remind myself I still need time to heal and I may never fully get back to where I used to be.
Going slow has never been my thing, I'm used to having energy and stamina to spare. As my friend Cyn told me several years ago, 'your slow and steady is most peoples warp speed!'. Then in November of last year my granddaughter was born and first I have to say this grandma business is the shit!! I get to spend time with her every week and she and my daughter are the lights of my life. Being a grammy and spending one night a week fixing dinner and eating with my kids is the highlight of my week. I have my granddaughter every Wednesday and she has been teaching me every week about slowing down to her pace. Between bottle time, rocking her, feeding her the first tastes of big people food, or just playing on the floor and now learning how to crawl and walk. I have to be fully present and I look forward to see how much she has grown each week.
I am grateful that my health is stable enough for to have the energy to do all of the things I do in my life right now. My life is full and abundant and I have all sorts of things I want to accomplish in the future. Even with the forward and back as I still leach the meds and the aches and pains, I find that I have more creativity flowing than I have in over three years.
So bare with me as I continue to slide around on the energy scale and my posts and web updates move slowly. I practice my yoga both on and off the mat and do my best to release that which no longer serves me and trust Universe to bring me exactly what I need at the moment I need it. I bow to the energetic forces all around me to guide me to my highest and best self.